A Fallen Angel Under A Dark Moon

Because I can ever tell him this enough....






I love you... With all of me...

I know - I promised to keep up with my blogging, and I didn't... But ever since we've started this little adventure, things have been so intense, I've only had time to cater to my basic needs, and a few obligations... You wouldn't *believe* how much I sleep these days...! Or the sleep of utter exhaustion it is... I barely even have time to think...

So, in spite of how it may disappoint some of you, I must report that I'm going to finish out my contract and let the Boys move on recording without me... There are multiple reasons for this, but mainly, I can't live like this... And the music is no longer fun when it becomes something I *have* to do... I won't abide that... But don't dispair...! I'm *not* leaving the Boys or the band, my role is just changing... I won't do lead female vox, I'll do background vocals, and I'll still be writing music with them... I just need a different schedule, before this one makes me ill...

In other news, my Mother got into a car accident... Don't be alarmed...! She's fine, but she broke her scapula and her femur (the femoral neck of that bone, actually) and a crack in her pelvis... She's had two surgeries, some physio-therapy, and is still in a wheelchair, but hopefully will soon progress to a walker... There was some mixed news that came along with this though... Her blood tests, taken when they were repairing all that damage, showed signs of leukaemia... That diaganosis has since been confirmed with a biopsy, but it's not quite as terrible as it might sound... Firstly, they caught it relatively early... Secondly, the type of leukaemia (chronic lymphocytic leukaemia) is a slow growing one... Mother is 68 years old, and so by the time this illness might require agressive treatment, she may have reached the end of her natural lifespan... I know that doesn't *sound* like a "good" thing, but she may avoid having to take chemo meds, and will not really suffer from the disease, except for being a little less active than she is now...

So I've had a good deal to stress over lately, but it hasn't been quite as bad as I might have had to suffer through... And in any case, I hope it partially explains why I've been so silent... I didn't mean to be (I never mean to be), there were just a lot of things going on...

I *have* enjoyed the recording experience, though... I'm glad I got to be a part of it, and it has been an exciting ride... But although I've devoted my life to music, I've learned I can't devote my life to working at music... And that was something I needed to learn, otherwise I always would have wondered... And I'll *still* have my name in the lead credits on one recording, so that's also a good thing... *smiles* But I think I'd far prefer short trips and quick afternoon recording sessions, to turning my life upside down and taking the enjoyment away from that which I love... And there are other things I want in life now besides a career, and this set up would never give me time to have it...

So here I am... A little more tired, a little wiser, and more clear than ever about what I want out of life... And who can say no to that...?

No, I haven't stopped blogging again...! I've just been away in Los Angeles... *smiles*

Why was I in Los Angeles, you ask...? (Well, you didn't - but let's just make the presumption shall we...? Otherwise I'll never get to my news...) The band and I were off recording in a studio - making music is now my full-time job! So it will be a lot of back and forth, to and from L.A. as we play, record, and process tracks for our first professional CD... After that, we'll tour a bit, promoting our music, coast to coast... No major cities, but plenty of neighbouring minor ones (i.e. not NYC, but Jersey City) ...

Our first bout of recording went well, and we were all very impressed by the facilities... This is a *professional* recording studio, so it's of a calibre and demeanour we've never actually encountered before... We all felt a bit awkward at first, and the boys felt really under-dressed in their street clothes, but no one seemed to pay it any mind... I get the impression they see all kinds around there...

Tomorrow we head back and work begins in earnest... Then we'll only be coming back to Portland on Friday, Saturday, Sunday... Monday - Thursday we'll be in L.A., at Angel's flat there... It's a total of 14-15 hours between cities (though only 5 - 6 to cross into Cali) so it's a hell of a commute, but worth it... People keep asking us, "Why come back at all...? Why not stay in L.A. til you're finished...?" Clearly these people have never been to L.A. - it's smelly, dirty, noisy, crowded, and the crime rate is appalling... We *need* to come home just to refresh our spirits and get a break from all that is rotten about Los Angeles...

If it weren't for the music, it wouldn't even be worth being there... But for music, our music, I'll suffer the consequences of that dismal place... My music is important to me, and being able to do this as a full time career is just a little bit like heaven... It complicates things I'd rather have uncomplicated, but the possibility of success could make all those things brighter than ever.... And if we don't do well, at least I know we tried... No might-have-beens... And that too will pave the path for a better future...

So though I'm in Portland now, I'll end this with "From Los Angeles, with Love..." as the blog will be updated erratically between recording sessions... Still - stick with me... I'll have a lot to say as things progress...