Endings and Beginnings

First off - A hat tip to Ken, who posted this poem I had forgotten, but that I love:

Fire And Ice by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

I've been experiencing this *all year*... And I have to say something about that - for those of you who know why I started journalling in the first place, I'd like to announce that I'm over it... I've made my peace with my broken heart... The love is still there, it probably always will be, but I've let go the bitterness... You can't make someone love you, no matter how much you love them... You can't make anyone forgive you either, no matter how sorry you are... I accept that now... The door is there, and ever open, but that's all I can do...

No new dreams have replaced the old ones yet... But that's okay too... I can live with that... Time will give me other dreams, I suppose, though I still greive those that were lost... Maybe I always will... But even excruciating pain doesn't last forever... Now it's just a dull, empty ache that bleeds sometimes when the wind howls in the night, or the melody of a song full of memories drifts through the window... The regret is still bitter, but like the dregs of wine, able to be swallowed even if not savoured...

A new year swiftly flies toward us... And I am learning to live again... I don't know what this year may bring, but I will try to be as open as I can to all it's possibilities... I locked myself away in a tomb too long... An entire year spent with the dead and the shadows... Now I wait for the sun to rise, knowing that it must, eventually... And what the new day brings must be embraced, even if it seems safer to stay a wandering revenant... Perhaps the dawn will burn away the old me, and leave someone new in it's place... Or perhaps I'll just find that by some miracle, the light doesn't burn me as it once did... Whatever the case - the new day rises, and I must rise with it...

To all my friends, who stood by me, who kept me from giving up - thank you... I've learned to hope again... And that's in no small part your doing... Sometimes I get things I don't quite deserve - friends like you are one of those things... But deserving or not, I *am* ever grateful... May this season of endings and beginnings bring you the new day you might be seeking too... Blessings to you, and all joy this holiday time...

5 Responses
  1. Chris Says:

    This was a great entry. Very insightful and introspective. I love the first paragraph after the poem because it is such a logical statement where many would stay in an emotional fog. Logic is your foglight:)

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  2. Chris Says:

    Oh yeah, I forgot...that pic up top....if that is Ms. Santa Claus....forget Santa....I want Ms. Claus coming to my house!!!

    Uh oh....someone isn't getting any presents this year. I am pretty sure coveting Santa's woman is on the list of naughties.

    ha ha

  3. Charles Says:

    Wow, I can't believe its not butter. I mean I can't believe
    Chris said that LOL. I like that picture too.

    I hope you find what your looking for in this upcoming new year. Happy holidays!

  4. Ken Says:

    Glad to hear you are ready, milady. Its time to find your balance in life.

    Someone once told me that we never truly lose a loved one. They just havent found their way to you.

  5. Angelia Rian Says:

    Chris - Logic has always been my foglight... ;) Mainly because I am really such an emotional, illogical person... Sometimes, you have to step back, and look in from the outside... Only this ability keeps me from losing myself completely...

    *laughs* And don't you know it's not Mrs. Claus, but Miss Claus (Santa's single, eternally youthful daughter)... She helps Daddy out by bringing all the nice big boys their presents... *grin* Have *you* been a good boy this year...? ;)

    Charles - I can believe he said it... He has eyes, right...? ;) What's wrong with appreciating the beautiful things in life, anyway...? *smiles*

    I hope I find it too, I've got my fingers crossed and my halo perfectly balanced atop those pesky horns... :)

    Ken - It's been difficult, and I'm sure some days it still will be, but I think I've found my courage again... And perhaps you're right... Perhaps someday, our paths will cross again...