A Fallen Angel Under A Dark Moon

Heather wrote a rather thought-provoking entry today... And I related to it well... It brought to mind my own thoughts about blogging and why I blog...

She mentioned that her blogging started because of the deeply emotional things in her life she had going on... I relate to that - I started blogging over heartbreak and guilt myself... She mentioned she became a comment-whore for awhile... I had that phase too... And she mentions her blogging tapering off because she is happier in life now... Which I have so obviously done...

I have come to the realisation that pain brings out the words for me... I write because I am so choked up I can't even speak... And I can't suffer in silence - I'd go mad... And while that's all fine and good (catharsis is a *good* thing!) it's not what I want my writing to be... And as Denny mentioned to me, it's not the place I want to lock my creativity in... He felt that if I isolated my writing to when I was in an emotional dark place, that eventually, that would be the only time I *could* write... And that it shouldn't be about who might be reading... If when I'm happy, I just want to write brief blog entries of mushy happy crap - I *should*. For *me*.

And he's right... Too long I've neglected to write in my blog, for two reasons:

I've been, while not deleriously happy, happy enough that nothing was troubling me enough to turn into a blog entry... And I felt like that wouldn't interest anyone to read...

But my blogging shouldn't be about other people... It should be about me... Whatever matters to me at the moment, whether that's despair or giddy joy... If I want to blog an entire entry on how captivating I find my Beloved's eyes - I should *do* it... (He might have a different opinion on that, but while he's a bit embarassed and self conscious about my praises, I'm pretty sure part of him also enjoys it *smiles*) I should always feel free to blog about whatever I want, regardless of who might be reading... The readership was always a secondary thing anyway... I started blogging just to set my words lose in the world, to let it out so I wouldn't have to keep it inside... That my words found hearts and minds that gave a damn what I thought was just a bonus...

So I'm turning a page here... I will always be mindful that there are those out there reading my words (and I love some of you very much) but from now on, I'm not going to hold myself to the task of always being entertaining, interesting, or thought provoking... I'm just going to write... If you don't like the day's entry, feel free to skip it... I won't hold it against you... And I *will* eventually write something that isn't the literary equivalent of fluff... I'm not a fluffy bunny person, after all... I have my deep thoughts as you know, and I'll still express them... I won't be writing *every* day, but I will be writing several days a week... Even if it's just "Greetings...! I'm still hanging in there, how about you...?"

It's going to be about me again... And that's really what you loved reading about anyway, isn't it...?